A thank you letter to 2016...
Thank you 2016. You have taught me more this year than any other time of my life. I started it off by thinking I would be engaged to my boyfriend within the year, only to find out he had cheated on me. Our relationship ended badly and I was in a lot of emotional turmoil. I cried every day for 3 months straight, but life went on, just as it always does. I'm thankful for that fact. I took responsibility for my part in his decision to cheat and decided I needed to work on myself. I devoted this year to bettering myself on a spiritual level. I listened to anything inspirational that I could get my hands on. I read books and watched youtube videos non-stop. This was how I eased my pain. I began meditating on a regular basis, which was a life changer for me. 2016 taught me how to still myself and listen to the silence. It taught me how to pray and how to listen to answered prayers. This year also taught me a lot about my drive. It would have been easy to drop out of nursing school when I went through this hard time, but I didn't. I knew deep inside that nobody could give me a good future except for myself. I powered through school and graduated in August. At my pinning ceremony I had to do a speech, which was completely out of my element. I had never spoken in front of an audience before but it ended up going much better than I'd ever expected. I made myself proud. I learned that I can do anything I put my mind to. I learned that I am much more powerful than I had ever given myself credit for.
I'm thankful for the opportunity I was given during 2016. I had the chance to do makeup for a fashion show in Tennessee. I also had my makeup published quite a few times in an online blog. I had the chance to create art with local photographers, models, and hair stylists. I received three pay raises and was able to keep the job I love so much. I am thankful for the opportunity to be alone this whole year, because sometimes being alone is the only way we can get better. I see specific number patterns all the time now and I know this is because I'm aligned with my true being. If I hadn't been alone this entire year, I would not have found this perfect alignment. I'm so thankful for this.
The lesson I'm most thankful to have learned in 2016 is how to let go. I had to let go of many things this year. Nursing school was my biggest feat. I would study almost all day, every day and still would end up making C's and D's on some of my tests. This was infuriating to me and I didn't understand what I was doing wrong. I specifically remember the day that this changed for me. I was on the verge of failing my peds class. I had studied harder for this test than any other test yet, and I felt like I had aced it when I walked out of the classroom. I was on cloud nine all day until I got my score back and realized I made a 78. I was crying my eyes out. I remember being so furious that I threw my arms back, lifted my head to the sky, and said something like: "I GIVE UP! IF YOU WANT ME TO BE A NURSE THEN MAKE IT HAPPEN BECAUSE I AM DONE! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! TAKE IT FROM ME!" From that point on I only studied for about an hour or two a day. I stopped caring about passing or failing. I was cool as a cucumber all the time. My scores started going up. I didn't study for my final exams at all. I spent the whole week sun bathing and meditating. I made one of the highest scores in the class on my finals. I passed all my classes and graduated. When it came time to take my state boards, I did the same thing and ended up passing after answering the minimum amount of questions required. 2016 taught me that things go much easier if you do your best and give it to God. It was so easy after I stopped stressing out and studying constantly. This is how it should be, though. We're not meant to break our backs in order to succeed. Success comes much easier than we expect. We just need to do our best and understand that it's taken care of. No stress, no heart ache, no long hours- just peace. It's such an excellent feeling.
There's a story Alan Watts tells about children who are taking swimming lessons. All the kids jump in the pool, including you. You're under water and you notice all the other kids being able to flap their arms and legs until they make it to the surface. You try to do the same but you aren't moving, you're just flapping around in the water. You start panicking but the more you panic, the more you struggle. You're running out of air and you finally come to the conclusion that you are going to die and this is it. You will be forever known as the weird kid who couldn't swim and drowned during a swim lesson. You accept this fate and stop flapping. At that moment when you give up and and stop struggling, you're finally able to swim. Your instinct kicks in and you swim up to the surface without any issues. This is life. You can either struggle against the current or you can lean back and let it take you where it's supposed to take you. This has been my biggest lesson of the year and I am so glad I understand it now. Life has been much more enjoyable.
I know 2016 has been very hard for many of you, but I hope you can see the positive things it brought for you. Focus on the good parts of it and don't let it have gone to waste. Ask yourself what you're thankful for. May your 2017 be full of happiness and inner peace.
-Kenzie Llama
